Grrr Rant

I am a disgrace to the name of this blog. I use this blog journal to vent far too much. New goal: have more positive thoughts...after this rant haha. I need to love people more. I just get angry at people who are more socially inclined and more publicly talented than I. I am thinking of someone at my school who is a great athlete and is popular and good-looking and grrr. I mean, there are just some people who sneeze, and everyone pats 'em on the back, you know? Like people have this preconceived idea that they're the greatest thing since sliced bread, and thus, everything they say is funny. Everything they say is accepted.

In case you're confused, this is me, an average juvenile, struggling to grasp the concept of popularity. I'm starting to realize that popularity is not only being liked; it is an infatuation because once someone proves themselves to be worthy of likeability, people begin assuming things about the person and filling in the gaps with their own ideals of perfection. I'm probably all wrong with this, but, I just need to get my thoughts out.

This is so bad. Why do I have to be jealous? This is simply me listening to the adversary once again and reiterating my own inadequacy instead of focusing on the talents and gifts that God has generously given to me that I should be thankful for.

The Mean Reds

I'm having a Holly Golightly ("Breakfast at Tiffany's" [I'm obsessed]) moment right now. Ugh. It's the Mean Reds. The Mean Reds are different that the Blues because when you have the Blues, you are just plain sad, but when you have the Mean Reds, you are afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. For me, I can pick apart almost all of my individual fears like monkey bread, but there are so many of them they all sort of morph into a vast glob of trepidation which I can't chew through. However, I also know that this is the adversary trying to make me feel inferior and like I don't have the power to choose how I feel about myself. The most difficult part of being human is having parts of you that you know can be better but require patience, and you will never be perfect. That's where I know I must push away my pride and let Christ in and let him make up the rest after I've done my all.

Blog Breakup and Sneezing

Update: I'm still eating healthy and trying to be productive with my time. Yes, I count blogging as productive because it is the liaison between me and productiveness in general. So, Marin broke up with me over blog. It's cool. She can live her life, but it's just that we didn't even have a dramatic blog breakup or anything so I'm feeling a lack of mourning for the brief but meaningful life of the blog.

Catharsis of the day: The feeling of sneezing is probably the closest that living humans will ever feel as an equivalent to the liberation felt by the Americans from the British. Or the children of Israel from Moses. Or any group of people which felt a huge relief from something that other people cannot feel. Sneezing ties mankind together in this way. It is a social thread which ties us together in the tapestry of life.

Carter the Cactus

Hey heyyy :) so, this whole clean eating deal isn't too bad so far. (I'll probably be crawling for a doughnut in 3 days) so I'm enjoying the moment for now. It's so true that eating healthy makes you feel better. I instantly feel more energized by eating fruits and vegetables rather than something high in sugar or fat. I'd like to think I'm sort of like a plant. When I was a little girl I always wished you could just water a seed and a bubbly daisy would spring up from the dirt like magic, but I had to learn (and am still learning) that all good things come with patience and moderation.

Apparently I still have a long relationship of learning with this particular principle because I continue to be a plant murderer.
Which reminds me of my cactus. At the beginning of the school year I had a beautiful pet cactus named Carter. I loved him dearly indeed. He made me so happy. Sometimes I'd come home from school and just stare at him in the windowsill, infatuated with his dangerous beauty. I gave him everything. YET somehow Carter was not satisfied with my generous services, and he died. I'm pretty sure it was suicide because I did everything in my power to keep that photosynthetic nuisance alive. I even color coordinated the rocks in his soil!

So anyway I did pretty good today diet wise. Except I had some Chinese food. But does that even count, honestly?? When it comes to Chinese food I have this rationalization complex which is triggered in my brain because of the pleasant qualities it possesses.

Clean Eating Adventuring

I really want to show Heavenly Father my appreciation for my existence by taking care of my body and being moderate with my food consumption. I realize this is a common goal we often take upon ourselves as humans, but I think people have different motivations or different intentions for doing certain things, and I hope that my intentions for this goal can stay consistent and pure and that I am doing this for said reason above. Therefore, I am going to look at this goal through a different perspective. Clean eating is going to be my fearless adventure, not unlike that of Indiana Jones or Luke Skywalker (I haven't even watched the entirety of either of those movies). I know that the road will be rough and it will be difficult to resist such indulgences, but in the end, it will be for the greater good. It will help me focus on others more, social interaction, and my educational goals as well. Each day I will log in my status of clean eating to hopefully develop a lifelong habit.

On Refrigerators

It is surprising how the aesthetic of an average object causes me to take said object for granted. The object to which I am referring is none other than the refrigerator. I simply cannot deny the astute nobility of the refrigerator--its smartly rectangular armor and magnetic medals of honor plastered to every square inch. The proprietor of such an object may not always note the fine workmanship of its smooth, graceful handles, which softly answer physical contact with the slight hum of electricity coursing through its powerful, chilling bodice.

When opened, the refrigerator softly exhales its cool breath to reveal the freshly vibrant contents which occupy its open abdomen. Salami, tomatoes, milk, eggplant, avocado, spinach, apples, grapefruit, Greek yogurt, cilantro, eggs, orange juice all categorized in their cliquish classes according to food status. They bask in their resolute, refrigerated glory with dignified smirks beckoning to the hungry hand. Two glimmering, glass shelves and two crisp, clean drawers boast of practicality for ideal categorization. The top shelf holds fruit and vegetables which are proudly pitted on clean pedestals like newly awarded Olympic athletes. Below them lie the humble but essential milk and eggs. Beneath this mildly chilling vessel lies the icebox. Slightly lonelier and neglected, the icebox cradles freezer-burnt berries, leftover meatloaf, and a pitiful attempt at homemade Popsicles.

Though I cannot demean the majesty of the refrigerator, I additionally cannot ignore the stark veracity that this basic house appliance is both a blessing and a curse, an ally and an enemy, a friend and a foe. I am surprised at the lack of lawsuits against the invention of the refrigerator for the expanding American waistline. Can you imagine? Suing the inventor of the refrigerator for one's voluntary consumption of sustenance? 

As a child, I recall gazing up into the refrigerator contents with wide eyes and scraped knees after a long day of grade school, standing on tiptoes and reaching for a juice box. I did not foresee then that in later years I'd be standing in the same position with the same juice box counting the calories with a more judicious gaze. I now try to take a moment and think of others who would appreciate this storage vessel a considerable deal more than I. It is now that I strive to consciously take a moment to walk to the door and invite Gratitude and Moderation.